Failing publicly

i use this blog as a journal where i record my daily activities. i realize it gets boring posting pics of my meals and pics of my measurements but this platform keeps me honest. it makes me accountable for my actions. plus, if i hit a plateau or i rebound, i could just go back to my previous meal posts and know what happened. no pointing fingers. no excuses.

like lunch today for example.

i found myself guilty of the very thing i just recently confessed which is grabbing some fastfood when i was super hungry. i didn’t prepare my meals for this week and i didn’t bring any food with me while i was out running errands with my brother. so, while waiting for him to get done, i rushed to the nearest mcdonald’s and got me this:

DSC_1059[1]

oh, the shame. and on my fifth day on the program. just one more day and i could indulge in whatever i wanted on my scheduled cheat day! but habits plus cravings plus unpreparedness trump willpower every time.

what’s worse is, it is my sister’s birthday today. and once done with our errands, we headed to her place and had these:

DSC_1071 i had spaghetti and cake just half an hour after i wolfed down some fastfood.

i am sure to see the effect of eating this stuff in a few days. my karada scale will slap me with some gut wrenching numbers but hopefully, i still have time to remedy the potential damage. hhffff.

it will take a lot of hurting though. just goes to show, that lack of preparation is a huge hindrance in pursuing once goal. especially for one who hasn’t the habits, the willpower, the discipline to do so. at least, just not yet. but i will. i am determined and i will persist.

by the way, this post isn’t about exposing my weakness for its own sake but it is about being aware of said weakness and persisting despite. i didn’t write this post to make a habit of making the same mistake. i wrote it to remind me, because i forget quickly and always take for granted, the value of preparation. it is here to help me acknowledge and accept where i am in my journey, where i stubbornly hold on to the belief that winging it will still get me there, stupidly thinking that knowing the consequences of bad habits alone can make me avoid them. armed with knowing that i do not have the tools yet not to succumb to temptations, i must be more deliberate in my actions.

they say what is important is getting back up after the fall. i say, get back up but with the wisdom to find out what caused the fall. and to adjust accordingly to avoid falling again.

having said that, i’m off to the kitchen and prepare for this week’s meals.

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